Hero
”I got another one dad!” screamed Noah as he reeled his line.
“Good job son!” said his dad
”Boo yah!” said Noah as he lift the fish up out of the water. He raised it high into the air to get a better look at its beautiful colors and the size of the fish.
“That one’s a keeper!” said his dad in amazement,”Alright buddy it’s time to go home.”
“Hey dad can’t we just stay here for a couple more minutes?”, questioned Noah.
“Sorry son, if I could I would let you, but your mother expects us to be home soon.”, said his dad sadly.
“Ok.”, said Noah as he packed up the fishing gear. As they were driving away Noah looked out the window and saw the last glimpse of the beautiful and elegant view of Lake Tahoe as the light reflecting off the lake from the summer sun warmed his face. When Noah got home he swiftly jumped out of the car to boast about the fish he caught to his mom.
” How was the fishing trip, honey?” said his mom sweetly.
“ It was great Mom! And look at the fish I caught!” boasted Noah.
“That’s great ,Honey!” said his mom.
“Thanks Mom!” said Noah. Next morning Noah went to school after a huge quarrel with his parents. After school he walked home to find that his house was a complete mess. Most of the windows were shattered, the door was broken through, and empty shotgun shells littered the floor leaving a rusty smell in the air. What he saw next changed his life forever. His mom was on the floor bleeding everywhere dying the carpet deep red and she was barely breathing on the verge of death.
“Noah, they kidnapped your father, I’m sorry I didn’t tell you earlier, all you need to know is in his safe, 19, 20, 35, I don’t have much time” she said softly as she drew her last breath and her head slowly slumped on the floor. Noah was devastated and quickly sprinted to the safe that held the info he needed to acquire to unlock the secrets that his dad hid from him. Then he heard footsteps on the splintering glass. Noah quickly hid underneath his father’s desk. He looked up and saw two men that he never knew carrying guns. They left shortly after; Noah came out of hiding and went toward the safe. As he was walking toward the safe he stepped on some glass and bellowed in pain. He heard the men turn around questioning what the sound was. Noah quickly hid underneath the desk again as he heard the stairs creak when the men were coming back. He saw one of them walk into the living room and the other, to his misfortune, was coming right at him. He heard the footsteps coming closer and closer until the man’s shoe was right in front of his face. The he heard the exploding shot from the gun and covered his ears, but still heard the ringing in his ear from the shot. Afterward the man left and Noah rolled onto his back in relief and his arm plunged into a shard of glass. Noah quickly muffled himself from screaming with his hand. As soon as they came they left. Noah didn’t move until he heard their car drive away. Then he grabbed the shard and yanked it out of his arm, he felt his blood slithering down his arm, instantly he also took out the shards from his foot and crawled to the safe painting the floor red with his blood. He swiftly opened the safe and inside was documents and a handgun. Noah took out the documents and saw a file labeled “CONFIDENTIAL”. Inside was a stack of papers labeled in bright red,” D.O.G.” in acrostic it read Defense Organization Group. As he was reading he saw his dad’s name many times. He read a profile about his dad:
“NAME: Tom Adams
OCCUPATION: Undercover Agent
MISSION: Your mission, Tom Adams is to infiltrate the base of R.A.T., Rouge Assassination Team. At the base you will find all blueprints to their operation to assassinate the president and bring destruction to the U.S.A. You will find them in Egypt. Lastly, beware each person inside is a trained killer and are dead silent. They are also more than capable of using traps and they are known to leave no traces of evidence.
EQUIPMENT: You will be given a 9mm pistol and a sniper rifle with 6×36 scope.”
Then he kept looking through the file and saw a paper labeled R.A.T. PLANS. When he was about to get a glimpse of it he heard the steps again.
“I know you’re in here kid because I would’ve already caught you if you were somewhere else”, said the man,” Just come out with the documents and we’ll give you your dad back.”However Noah knew he was lying they probably would kill him right after they got the documents. He reached into the safe and pulled out the handgun, sprung up, and shot the man in the head. The man’s head tilted back and he collapsed on the floor. Noah was breathing heavily holding the safe. He knew he didn’t have much time before more members from R.A.T. came. So he sprinted upstairs and started packing his backpack. In it he had a passport, his gun, fifty four thousand dollars from the safe, credit card with one thousand two hundred dollars, his wallet, cell phone, car keys, and clothing. He quickly got into his racer yellow Corvette and sped down the street. As he was speeding down the street he was pulled over.
“Son, what’s your name?” questioned the officer.
“Noah, Noah Adams, Sir.” stammered Noah. At that time the officer noticed the shape of the handgun in his backpack.
“Son, what’s that in your backpack?” asked the officer.
“It’s nothing.” said Noah as he saw a van parking across the street. He was sure it was R.A.T. Then he saw them taking out an AK-47 and he went pale.
“What’s wrong with you, son?” said the officer as he waved his hand in front of Noah’s eyes. Noah stepped on the gas pedal so quickly the tires from the car seemed like the screamed and knocked the cop down. Then when looking at the back mirror he saw the van following him at top speed. Moments later he heard sirens from a squad of police vehicles. After driving a few more seconds he heard gunshots from the van. When he looked at the rear view mirror again he saw that they van was shooting at the cops. While they were busy with that Noah took a swift turn on to an exit to Los Angles, where he tracked his uncle for help knowing his uncle had history in the law enforcement, and lost sight of them. After three straight days of driving and a couple pit stops along the way he finally made it to his uncle’s house. He quickly ran up to the door and rang the door bell. Before his uncle came out he sneaked the gun into his pocket, just in case.
“Noah what are you doing here?” questioned his uncle Jacob.
“Uncle Jacob they got Dad and they killed mom!” screamed Noah.
“What’re you talking about?” asked his uncle.
“I’m talking about R.A.T. uncle!” exclaimed Noah. His uncle looked at him in a shocked and suspicion. “Uncle please help me.”, begged Noah.
His uncle mumbled helplessly, “I knew one day they would have gone after him. I told him to leave the blueprints there. However he didn’t listen, what a fool.”
“Uncle please.”, pleaded Noah,” You’re the only one that can help me.”
“Alright come inside Noah.” said his uncle sadly. Once inside Noah laid most of the documents down.
“These are it.” Said Noah. Then suddenly a man grabbed Noah’s arm and dragged him to the floor as ten other men arrived.
“Good Job Noah.” said a man satisfyingly.
“How do you know my name?” asked Noah viciously.
“Your stupid Dad led the way”, said the man.
“Who are you? What did you do with my dad?” growled Noah.
“Since you’re going to die, might as well tell you, my name is James Cutford. I’m the leader of R.A.T.” answered the man. Afterward James made a signal to kill Noah’s uncle and they shot him right in front of Noah. Now Noah had no help what so ever against these people. He knew time was critical. Then at that time Noah pulled the gun from his pocket pressed against the man’s throat and pulled the trigger. As the man was falling Noah swiftly grabbed the papers and ran. Just as the men were about to chase him, James told them to stop.
“I assure you, gentlemen he can’t get far” he said smiling and looked at the backpack that had his passport and cell phone. Noah quickly went to the car and drove away. A couple miles later Noah noticed that everything was missing, and realized he left it at the house. Noah went frantic and drove back. However nothing was there now all he had were his wallet, gun, and the documents. Then he thought it over and noticed the danger of losing his cell phone. The people can use it to get to his friends and family. All he could do now was to drive and look for help. Along the way he saw their car again. The anger inside him exploded and Noah took out his gun aimed and shot. The bullet penetrated through the back window and lodged itself into the driver in the back of the head causing the whole car to swerve and crash. When Noah looked at the scene later he saw that all the people inside were dead and found his backpack and sighed in relief. However Noah was still puzzled since James wasn’t in the car; he needed to find him to get to his father. Then he got a text message:
“Very impressive Noah, I see you killed my agents but if you want your father back you’ll have to give me the documents. I will be waiting for you in Paris. I will give you two weeks. Hopefully you can make it if we don’t kill you yet.”
Noah knew that if he didn’t his father would die, but he also think that it could be a trap. He had to make a choice and he chooses to give them the documents if it meant seeing his father. He hired a private jet with the money he had and quickly flew off to Paris. He landed at around eleven o’ clock. At the airport he looked around and noticed three suspicious men staring at him. Then at that time he started to run through a thick crowd trying to lose the men. The men quickly scattered searching for him, however Noah switched his look. He put on a hat, a sweater, and different shoes. He ran into the bathroom. Suddenly one of the men came in and Noah agilely knocked him out with the lid of a trash can. Noah was still heavily panting, grabbed his gun, put it in his pocket, and ran off. Shortly afterwards he hijacked a car and sped away. Then He texted James:
“I made it where are you?”
James responded:
“I’m at the Eiffel Tower. I’m glad you could make it. Obviously my men didn’t do their job.”
Noah parked his car about two hundred fifty yards away from the Eiffel Tower and watched. He saw some men coming out of a van dressed as officers, but Noah could tell they were from R.A.T. He texted James:
“Where’s my dad?”
James texted back:
“In the car”
“I don’t believe you. Deal’s off for now. See you next Saturday”
“Why?”
“There’s been a change in events”
Noah took out the documents and read them over. He found a phone number to the base for D.O.G. He dialed the number:
“Hello I’m Noah Adams, son of Tom Adams, I’m here to report that I have a couple files here you might want to check out. Oh, and by the way get a gun prepared for me.”
fifth grade. Noah brought a new phone and Phil stomped on it, breaking it. Noah kept descending. When Noah reached an office door the elevator stopped.
“Welcome Noah!” a friendly voice said, it was Brian Coby, a friend of Noah’s dad.
“Hey there Mr. Coby.” said Noah, “You’re in this organization too?”
“Apparently, I heard your dad was kidnapped by R.A.T., is that true?”
“I’m afraid so”
“I believe that they are after those documents you’re holding”
“How did you hear about the documents?” Noah curiously asked.
“I heard it from another boy, perhaps you know him, Phil Charles? Unfortunately his father was also abducted and he only has half of the info.”
“Yeah we go to school together, but we aren’t friends.”
“Alright, I know you have very important documents there. Do you think that is the other half?”
“Perhaps. I don’t know.”
“Here let me see them” said Brian in a hopeful tone. Then the elevator bell rang. It was Phil. Noah smirked at him as he walked by to Brian’s oak wood desk.
“You asked for me?”
“Yes I did. We believe that your guys’ document is the missing puzzle piece to this mystery. You see thirty four years ago your dads were comrades in a very important mission. They were the elite members here. Their mission was to-“
“I know get the info about R.A.T.’s secret weapon.” they interrupted.
“Very impressive, boys.” Said Brian satisfyingly,” I see you guys have read these documents as well. Well we have most our agents out on other things like finding your fathers, so you guys will have to work together to solve this puzzle.
“What? Work together?” they both said in unison.
“Listen up! I don’t care if you don’t like him or he doesn’t like you, you guys will work together!” Brian said strictly. They looked at each other in disgust. The next day things got worse. At target practice Noah almost shot Phil.
“OOPS!” Noah said sarcastically.
“Man what’s your problem?” Phil said back furiously.
“Not my fault you’re in my way!” Noah growled back. At combat training things only got worse. Phil being stronger that Noah beat, Noah up. They were quickly called to Brian’s office.
“What’s wrong with you guys? You don’t even act mature you two deserved to be called boys, not men! Do you guys even want to rescue your fathers or are you guys going to beat each other up?!” You guys think about it yourselves. Fathers of each other?” Brian said harshly. They looked at themselves then at each other with shame.
“I’m sorry.” they said at the same time as a truce. Tomorrow was different. They cooperated together efficiently. Pretty soon they were ready. A week later they were asked to come to Brian’s office again.
“Well boys, you’ve come a long way. I think you’re ready to rescue your fathers. “Brian said satisfyingly, ”Here is the plan, you guys will be under covered as ice-cream men the R.A.T. agents should be everywhere. You will go to the Eiffel tower and retrieve your dads at the rendezvous, if that doesn’t work good luck. At the Eiffel tower they were moving quickly. They rapidly went to the rendezvous point where they saw their dads and James.
“Do you guys have the documents?” he questioned.
“Yeah they’re right here” they said.
“Good, give them their dads.” demanded James as he received the documents. Father and son hastily went to each other. “Now then you guys are back together, kill them.” James dictated.
“What? We gave you your documents, why do you have to kill us?” they questioned.
“You guys know our secret that’s why. Oh, and by the way because I want you guys dead.” He explained. Noah looked to Phil and gave him the signal. They both took out their guns and pointed them at James.”Not so fast now, I have snipers everywhere and could kill you guys in an instant. If you know what’s good for you drop the guns.” he insisted. Noah looked at his dad and sneaked a gun to him. Then they all scattered like an ant trail that was broken up, knowing that the snipers would have to reposition. Then they all shot at James and his guards and ran. They had all missed their shots. As they were running away Noah pressed a trigger and the suit case exploded. They all fell onto some grass at a park, panting, knowing they saved the world.
“Good job son you’ve become a hero.” said his dad tiredly.
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Its a very good story, but you could add a couple things to it. First, you probably should go into a little more detail. When I was reading, I could sort of tell what was going on, but there wasn’t enough information for me to make any sense of it. Second, you need to slow down the pace of the story. It goes so fast I barely had time to register what was happening before you changed the subject
terry, you might want to take out a little bit of dialogue its a bit to much. overall good job.
Good story, but you seemed a little bit fast paced. You need to go more into detail, so people won’t be lost when reading. Also, you need to go into detail how your character feels, you haven’t really described his feeling much at all in the whole story.